“Across the border”

After indulging in roast turkey, plum pudding and champagne at Christmas and suckling pig and you name it on New Year’s Eve, I landed at Dr Magol’s clinic with an upset stomach. His simple solution was not to eat masala or oily food for 15 days, only bafeli (boiled) farajbeej (frenchbeans), bhida (lady’s finger), koliflawer (cauliflower), kobich (cabbage), karela (bitter gourd), kantola (small furry gourd), vengna (brinjal), gilora (gherkin). I ran out of his clinic and to get my mind off this awful prescription I took out a bottle of chilled red wine and black forest pastry from the fridge, put a bottle of white wine to chill, and sat down to read your magazine.

In "Across the border” (Zoroastrians Abroad, Parsiana, January 7, 2010) about the Parsis in Lahore, I discovered it is the same halat (situation) as in many places in India. Shortage of bawas, shortage of priests, lots of land and no one to enjoy it. What touched me was they have an aramgah, and are recommending it to the akal na bhandar (stupid) bawas of Bombay. This person Keki Cooper will be declared a renegade and the diehards, zealots, fanatic, fascist bawas of Bombay will bay for his blood.

What is impressive is that the method of disposal in Lahore is well thought of and they are taking abundant precautions and care to ensure that the body is quickly absorbed. The priests go from one place to another to perform the rites and ceremonies of the Zoroastrian religion, and no one even thinks of fatwas and bans. How peaceful, dignified and pleasant.

The crux of the matter and the truth is that Zoroastrian religion permits cremation, burial and dakhmenashini, but not the farce of solar panels heating bodies, then letting them rot in the open only to be buried in pieces after four to six months in a hole dug outside the dakhma.

Since our Bombay Parsi Punchayet (BPP) trustees boast (in vain) that the BPP is the apex body of the world do they have the guts to declare all the Lahore priests as renegades and issue a fatwa banning them? Cremation and burial are prevalent all over the world, including in India. Hazarat Azar Kaiwan, a saint, was also buried. So why not other bawas?

The cover story "Drawn to Dubai” was a damp squib with the routine bawa photos without haar tora (garlands), from which I could gauge that bawas were in the majority though it was called the Ninth World Zoroastrian Congress 2009, and not World Parsi/Irani Zoroastrian Congress. So I presume that there may be a small number of Zoroastrians present who were not Parsi Irani, but Zoroastrians in any case.

I was quite engrossed reading "The battle of the ban” when the door bell rang. I opened the door and in walked Advocate Magol. "Please come in, learned advocate, what brings you to my humble abode?” I asked. "I want to listen to Inglebut.” I was flummoxed and gave him a confused and quizzical look. "That CD by Inglebut.” I corrected him, "It is Engelbert, learned advocate.” "Whatever, please I want to listen to it.” So while I put it on he cut a slice of black forest and poured himself some red wine, and started reading the article.

After he finished eating and drinking and had taken a second helping I asked him tell me his legal view on the issue. His face lit up with a smirk. Shaking his head he said this fatwa is all bakwas, all bunk. I egged him on. "Why, every community has its own practices; even Muslims declare fatwas, what’s wrong about bawa fatwas?” He replied, "My friend, the law of the land prevails and is superior to all religious fatwas/farmans and commands. If the fatwa is in conflict with the law of the land, the law prevails. In India you are free to practice, profess, preach, propagate any religion of your choice. You may convert to Islam, Hinduism, Christianity whatever, so also anyone can embrace the Zoroastrian religion.”

I said, "One more question, if you don’t mind.” "Go ahead,” he replied. "I read in ‘Pride and prejudice’ (Parsiana, November 21, 2009), that our trustee sahib Khojeste Mistree is going to import vultures from Gujarat and Rajasthan and place them at Doongerwadi, and he will ensure that no bawa’s dead body is allowed inside the dakhma if it comes to light that he/she had been administered diclofenac in his lifetime. He will arrange for blood test at Doongerwadi to ascertain the amount of the drug present in the dead body before granting permission to consign it to the dakhma. I presume some sort of certificate will be issued by Mistree like a visa to enter the dakhma. It will be like the police taking breathalyzer tests for drunken driving.

"My question to you sir is, when I die and you as the executor of my will take my body to Doongerwadi, and my body is placed in a bungli, trustee sahib Mistree will come and a test will be performed on my dead body. If it is found that it contains the banned drug much more than the limit prescribed by our trustee sahib, and you are told ‘Sorry, no entry’ to the dakhma, what happens to my body? If you cremate or bury it there is a fatwa; if you leave my body outside the dakhma it will stink. Also, all priests will be mortally scared to perform my last rites if I am cremated/buried or my body is donated to a medical college.”

Advocate Magol roared with laughter, "Oh you are imagining things, are you seeing a dream or something. Who do you think this Mistree or mystery is? Is he Hitler, Mohamed Tughluk? Which century are we living in? First and foremost does he himself know whether he is being administered the said drug and in what quantity? All are administered this drug without exception and as per his warped and convoluted logic there will be a pile of bodies of bawas lying at Doongerwadi in a short span of time. Don’t break your head over it; this guy is playing to the gallery to impress the orthodox with a closed mindset.”

Magol got up and left. I saw there was no black forest or red wine left, so I pulled out the white wine, cut a big piece of Dutch truffle and sat listening to Please release me, let me go by Engelbert. And a thought passed my mind, why are Jamsheed Kanga and Homi Khusrokhan wasting their time and money in the High Court? Let Ervads Framroze Mirza and Khushroo Madon get on with the job and if there is any interference lodge a police complaint and file a criminal case as per Magol’s views.

As for crusaders like Kanga and Khusrokhan and all with a little sense of humor, here is something to chew on. As per Ambrose Bierce’s The Devil’s Dictionary, a litigant has been defined as "a person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones,” and litigation as "a machine which you go into as a pig and come out as a sausage.” Bierce defined justice as "a commodity which, in more or less adulterated condition, the state sells to the citizen as a reward for his allegiance.” And the definition of a lawyer is "one skilled in circumvention of the law.” BEHRAM AGA

behram_r_aga@yahoo.co.in