Readers' Forum
“A silver lining?”
I was distressed, under tension and most upset on reading "A silver lining?” (Editorial Viewpoint, Parsiana, March 7, 2014) about the Bombay Parsi Punchayet (BPP) election code of conduct. What code of conduct are they talking about? When there is no conduct, what is the code going to do?
I phoned up Dr Magol, "Doctor, I am not feeling well. You know while reading Parsiana my BP (blood pressure) shot up and my sugar shot down and then my sugar shot up and BP shot down, so what should I do?” There was laughter at the other end. Then came the response: "Jo ni dikra (see, son) you are a medico-legal or legal-medico case so I will come over along with my brother Advocate Magol to solve your problem.”
They arrived in a jiffy. They were equally fast in raiding my bar and fridge. "Wah Blue Label! Fridge maa su chhè (what is in the fridge)? Ah ha PAC (Parsi Amelioration Committee) na chicken pie, patties, mutton cutlets, farcha, lagan nu custard… well, well you are in good nick.”
"May I know what you are suffering from?” the doctor asked. I repeated the whole thing. They started laughing. "This is a serious matter, do you understand? Parsiana wants to see that our Parsi elections become a damp squib; they want some code of conduct and what not and a ceiling on expenses during election time. How can they be so cruel with garib-gurba (poor) Parsis with Rs 90,000 monthly income? Can’t they be stopped by some legal injunction or some stay order?” Advocate Magol retorted: "Courts don’t take cognizance of lunatics and mad people.” I ignored the slight and countered, "This is very serious. Like the seven-year itch Parsi elections are held once in seven years and only at that time does the candidate put his hands in his pockets and shell out some dough to buy votes by giving lagan nu achar, patra-ni-machhi, chicken na farcha, motta bota no palav daar (with big chunks of meat), lagan nu custard and chaatopani (alcoholic drinks), and Parsiana wants to stop it! How can they pét per laat maro (betray) garib-gurba Parsis who get an opportunity for dagarvanoo (gluttony) and dhichvanoo (drinking excessively) like that. The candidate of course will recover all he spends in good time. It is just like our general elections when the candidate offers sari, chulla (stoves), hooch, note for vote, and so on and then recovers the costs. Why else would any candidate want to spend any money just to get elected? Why should Parsiana grudge it if a candidate arranges grand dinners and entertainment for the palav-daar Parsis? What’s wrong in that?
"Even mudslinging and belittling the opponent is part and parcel of the whole election game. What are we seeing on TV these days between apro Rahul (Gandhi), NaMo (Narendra Modi) and (Arvind) Kejriwal? What chai pé charcha (discussion over tea) is going on? So why can’t Parsis have daru pé (with liquor) discussion?
"They have flaunted big names to buttress their viewpoint. So what? What about small bawas like me who remain in suspense as to what to expect in return for casting our precious and very valuable vote? Do you understand the problem or not?
"I have no grouse if they appoint an Election Commission/ombudsman and keep on fighting amongst themselves till kingdom come, like they are doing now, but I strongly object to the ceiling of two lakh rupees for the entire election campaign. This is totally absurd and unacceptable to me. What are we to expect? Chana-singh (grams and peanuts), or sev-mamra (fine savory lentil straws with puffed rice) to attend their meetings, listen to their bakwas (nonsense) and bluffs, not to mention our taxi fare and precious time? Do we deserve only this?
"Recently, when a meeting was called by BPP to discuss property tax, 2,500 chairs were lined up but only 200 bawas turned up; those who were directly affected. So don’t take us aam (ordinary) voters for granted, I warn you.
"I am contemplating forming a party, the APP meaning Aam Parsi Party of all small garib-gurba Parsis whose income is Rs 90,000 per month and lodging a strong protest against Parsiana and its nonsensical ceiling of two lakh rupees. We should then appoint two subcommittees: one to decide the solids and one to decide the liquids to be served by every candidate at each and every meeting they call and conduct. What do you think?
"Our party will not put up any candidates but will grill all candidates who stand for election by way of questionnaires. For this a special committee will be appointed which will create for the APP many festas (disturbances) to challenge the candidate/s standing for election. The questions will be along the following lines:
How much time will you require to recover the money which you spent on your election campaign?
What percentage of the pugree, pheta, topi that is collected in flat allocation will go into the kitty of the BPP and how much will be shared by the trustees?
Do you agree that a Parsi earning monthly income of Rs 90,000 can be classified as poor? Yes or No?
If no, then what is your definition of a poor Parsi? If yes, then what is your definition of a Parsi whose monthly income is say Rs 10,000 or Rs 15,000?
Will you offer aam Parsis who attend your meetings and listen to your bakwas chana-singh or sev-mamra?
Why would you be so stingy and spend only two lakh rupees for your entire campaign when all you are out for is kom na malida méwa (benefits from the community) in the name of kom ni seva (service to the community)?”
Both the brothers got up. Dr Magol, having a last swig of my Blue Label and munching on the chicken pattice said, "Jo ni dikra, you are in pain and agony, so I am prescribing you diclofenac, take one in the morning and one at bedtime. See you soon.” They went off, laughing.
I was left with an empty fridge and an empty Blue Label bottle on the table all because of Parsiana, that bloody election and its code of conduct. BEHRAM AGA
behram_r_aga@yahoo.co.in
I phoned up Dr Magol, "Doctor, I am not feeling well. You know while reading Parsiana my BP (blood pressure) shot up and my sugar shot down and then my sugar shot up and BP shot down, so what should I do?” There was laughter at the other end. Then came the response: "Jo ni dikra (see, son) you are a medico-legal or legal-medico case so I will come over along with my brother Advocate Magol to solve your problem.”
They arrived in a jiffy. They were equally fast in raiding my bar and fridge. "Wah Blue Label! Fridge maa su chhè (what is in the fridge)? Ah ha PAC (Parsi Amelioration Committee) na chicken pie, patties, mutton cutlets, farcha, lagan nu custard… well, well you are in good nick.”
"May I know what you are suffering from?” the doctor asked. I repeated the whole thing. They started laughing. "This is a serious matter, do you understand? Parsiana wants to see that our Parsi elections become a damp squib; they want some code of conduct and what not and a ceiling on expenses during election time. How can they be so cruel with garib-gurba (poor) Parsis with Rs 90,000 monthly income? Can’t they be stopped by some legal injunction or some stay order?” Advocate Magol retorted: "Courts don’t take cognizance of lunatics and mad people.” I ignored the slight and countered, "This is very serious. Like the seven-year itch Parsi elections are held once in seven years and only at that time does the candidate put his hands in his pockets and shell out some dough to buy votes by giving lagan nu achar, patra-ni-machhi, chicken na farcha, motta bota no palav daar (with big chunks of meat), lagan nu custard and chaatopani (alcoholic drinks), and Parsiana wants to stop it! How can they pét per laat maro (betray) garib-gurba Parsis who get an opportunity for dagarvanoo (gluttony) and dhichvanoo (drinking excessively) like that. The candidate of course will recover all he spends in good time. It is just like our general elections when the candidate offers sari, chulla (stoves), hooch, note for vote, and so on and then recovers the costs. Why else would any candidate want to spend any money just to get elected? Why should Parsiana grudge it if a candidate arranges grand dinners and entertainment for the palav-daar Parsis? What’s wrong in that?
"Even mudslinging and belittling the opponent is part and parcel of the whole election game. What are we seeing on TV these days between apro Rahul (Gandhi), NaMo (Narendra Modi) and (Arvind) Kejriwal? What chai pé charcha (discussion over tea) is going on? So why can’t Parsis have daru pé (with liquor) discussion?
"They have flaunted big names to buttress their viewpoint. So what? What about small bawas like me who remain in suspense as to what to expect in return for casting our precious and very valuable vote? Do you understand the problem or not?
"I have no grouse if they appoint an Election Commission/ombudsman and keep on fighting amongst themselves till kingdom come, like they are doing now, but I strongly object to the ceiling of two lakh rupees for the entire election campaign. This is totally absurd and unacceptable to me. What are we to expect? Chana-singh (grams and peanuts), or sev-mamra (fine savory lentil straws with puffed rice) to attend their meetings, listen to their bakwas (nonsense) and bluffs, not to mention our taxi fare and precious time? Do we deserve only this?
"Recently, when a meeting was called by BPP to discuss property tax, 2,500 chairs were lined up but only 200 bawas turned up; those who were directly affected. So don’t take us aam (ordinary) voters for granted, I warn you.
"I am contemplating forming a party, the APP meaning Aam Parsi Party of all small garib-gurba Parsis whose income is Rs 90,000 per month and lodging a strong protest against Parsiana and its nonsensical ceiling of two lakh rupees. We should then appoint two subcommittees: one to decide the solids and one to decide the liquids to be served by every candidate at each and every meeting they call and conduct. What do you think?
"Our party will not put up any candidates but will grill all candidates who stand for election by way of questionnaires. For this a special committee will be appointed which will create for the APP many festas (disturbances) to challenge the candidate/s standing for election. The questions will be along the following lines:
How much time will you require to recover the money which you spent on your election campaign?
What percentage of the pugree, pheta, topi that is collected in flat allocation will go into the kitty of the BPP and how much will be shared by the trustees?
Do you agree that a Parsi earning monthly income of Rs 90,000 can be classified as poor? Yes or No?
If no, then what is your definition of a poor Parsi? If yes, then what is your definition of a Parsi whose monthly income is say Rs 10,000 or Rs 15,000?
Will you offer aam Parsis who attend your meetings and listen to your bakwas chana-singh or sev-mamra?
Why would you be so stingy and spend only two lakh rupees for your entire campaign when all you are out for is kom na malida méwa (benefits from the community) in the name of kom ni seva (service to the community)?”
Both the brothers got up. Dr Magol, having a last swig of my Blue Label and munching on the chicken pattice said, "Jo ni dikra, you are in pain and agony, so I am prescribing you diclofenac, take one in the morning and one at bedtime. See you soon.” They went off, laughing.
I was left with an empty fridge and an empty Blue Label bottle on the table all because of Parsiana, that bloody election and its code of conduct. BEHRAM AGA
behram_r_aga@yahoo.co.in
The editors reply
The code of conduct is proposed by former trustees and others, not Parsiana. While we are all for feasting, we well know there is no such thing as a free lunch.
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