“Talking trash”

The last three lines of "Talking trash,” (Editorial Viewpoint, Parsiana, April 21, 2018) states garbage dumped at the Parsiana office may metamorphose into better editorial content.
Having received all the waste, garbage and trash, the absence of improvement can be pinpointed to mainly one of the three rigid, rabid, rotten, righteous pseudo-intellectuals, orthodoxy obsessed columnists who had no right to burst upon the splendid liberal staff, the so-called subversives, working for Parsiana.
As per my detailed analysis and re-reading, the worst culprit among Alamai, Aflatoon and Letap is the nondescript non-entity Letap pretending to be ultra-orthodox. The liberals who have to bear the brunt of the trio (whose passports should be confiscated) are actually "liberal” liberals, non-violent Gandhian-types, unlike a true "radical liberal” like myself.
With what audacity did Alamai and Letap march into the Parsiana office and start talking rubbish? Could Letap not check Alamai? The garbage issue is very contentious, but Alamai being a woman got only scratch marks in the prior scuffle between the trio over how best to dispose community waste. Were I in the office at the time, this Letap guy would be bashed up by me, believe it or not, without any let-up.
Placating akkal less (feebleminded) Alamai was a waste of time, and shame on Letap who must take the blame for talking about ecology when the subversive liberals were right. The refuse would decompose into "compost,” a natural fertilizer, more soil-strengthening than any silly nitrogenous or phosphatic fertilizer (compost).
Asinine Alamai deserves to be put to her death, as per her wishes, in a version of Ambawadi, a place called Gandawadi (sacred soil for the stupid). If vultures still existed, and ate corpses (which are buried) the only waste on her dead body would be vulture’s excreta. Why did Letap fail to point out the same to her?
The fact that Alamai takes out a rolling pin (weapon of some sort) is disconcerting. Were I present, I would take Letap to task for agreeing with her 150% but for an afterthought on his part (over payment of Rs 200 a month to the Bombay Parsi Punchayet for collecting garbage from the doorstep). It’s a sin trying to win over Gandabai-Alamai who should have been pinned down and pasted with her rolling pin.
Altoo-Faltoo-Alamai had the gall to say that Parsiana’s dubra journalists are pseudo-intellectuals who don’t know pen from pencil, Vendidad from vasanu and such accusations. What bull-shit! What bull-urine!
Is Letap by any chance tied to Alamai’s apron strings? Could he not ask her to elucidate the difference between vasanu, Vendidad and varasiaji? What exactly is Letap’s function at Parsiana? Why does the proprietor not sack him for a serious lapse, namely, not reading Parsiana to chastise Alamai? Is his favorite Alamai more educated, intelligent, more of a religious authority than the late one-time Deputy Prime Minister of Iran (Farhang Mehr)? The least Letap could have done is to have referred Alamai to "The prudent patriot” in the same issue. This patriot fled Iran and his message would do good for all crazy, unproductive, brain-barren Alamais who should read the citation presented to Mehr by the awards committee of the Federation of Zoroastrian Associations of North America: "His wisdom, leadership and service has contributed immensely to raise public recognition of the Zarathushti community in North America. His scholarly advice urging rationality, prudence and moderation on contemporary religious and community issues is heeded equally by adult and young Zarthushtis around the world.”
But not by alsoo (lazy), imbecilic, armchair Alamai and her acolyte Letap. There perforce I plead to the shareowners of Parsiana to dismiss Letap! Anari Aflatoon being harmless, can be exonerated.
RASHID KHOSRAVI

The editors reply
The trio are highly prized columnists and are the most read and admired writers in the magazine. If Alamai and Aflatoon agree, however, we can let go Letap.