A heady cocktail

If every month of 2011 looked as inviting as the ZYNG (Zoroastrian Youth for the Next Generation) Calendar, it would be a very good year. Not only the promise of 12 beautiful Zoroastrian women, stylishly and suggestively dressed, but also the possibility of alcohol fuelled nights at a snazzy south Bombay lounge bar. For Zoroastrian men of every generation (old, middling and ‘next’) the Calendar is a fine packaging of that heady combination of alcohol and women. Even recipes of cocktails are provided. Absolute vodka + kiwi puree + crushed ice is the designated mix for March. The community may now boast of a production that rivals the flamboyant liquor baron Vijay Mallya’s annual Kingfisher Calendar.

In many ways the Calendar is in keeping with ZYNG’s mandate. Founded in 2009 as the official youth wing of the Bombay Parsi Punchayet (BPP), the organization’s activities have largely been a blend of sociability (speed dating events, paint ball tournaments, cricket matches), religiosity (holding gahanbars, humbandagis) and social service (blood donation drives, visiting old age homes). The ease with which Zoroastrian rozs (dates) and miniature cocktail glasses are boxed together on alternate Fridays and Saturdays of each month of the Calendar suggests innovate workings of the approach. Proceeds from the Calendar go towards future social service activities. Some may argue that alcohol and auspiciousness have strong scriptural backing; Zoroastrian texts enjoin wine making days.

The bold and the beautiful: Models Dilkhush Reporter (far left), Alyssa Chesson (left) and Jennifer Kotwal (top). Above: A page with the rozs and dates

Yet the Calendar betrays ZYNG’s underlying function as a matrimonial portal for Zoroastrian youth (defined as between 15 and 40 years). Let us start by speculating on the spaces and places where the calendar, priced at Rs 300, might be hung. A family hall or dining room, a couple’s or children’s bedroom, a corporate office (unless it’s Mallya’s), a fire temple, the Ripon Club all seem unlikely. More plausible options are the cupboards and lockers of adolescent Parsi boys, under mattresses, bottom drawers, bathrooms. The photographs have made their way to guarded sections of mobile phones.

The most likely spaces where we might find the Calendar hung are the offices of ZYNG’s parent body, the BPP. "The BPP has wholeheartedly endorsed the ZYNG Calendar,” trustee Yazdi Desai is quoted in an article entitled ‘"The Community is dying… all sick and old!” "The BPP is ancient!” "There are no Parsi youth left!” WHO SAYS SO? Look at the youthful vibrant ZYNG Calendar,” in the fortnightly WAPIZ page. May this thumping endorsement signal a liberal turn for an otherwise orthodox body? At least Mikhail Chis­tyakov, a Russian convert to Zoroastrianism who was assaulted (his sudreh was ripped) by some followers of the trustees last February, may now be rest assured that the attack was nothing personal — he is only one among 13 they endorse sudrehless.

The methods of retailing the Calendar could also belie the cause. Kerawalla & Company, the Cusrow Baug Canteen, the Ahura Bakery and the lounge bar Valhalla (the location and sponsor of the Calendar shoot) are four retail venues. While the first and second have largely Parsi customers, the third and fourth have a host of non-Parsi (often male) clientele, unlikely to be nonplused by newest offering. Has the Calendar made more real that nagging vision of the orthodoxy — hordes of non-Parsis coveting our homes, property, assets and now our women? Distribution of the Calendar within the Parsi colonies follows a better model. A nameless retailer can be contacted on the mobile phone. We suggest the retailer check not only the client’s ethno-religious affiliations but also his age group. Only Zoroastrians of the next (15-40) generation should be eligible customers. Woe betide if the Calendar should land on the laps of our bairamaster Berlusconis.

With such feasting for the male gaze how then does ZYNG hope to convince its members about coveting anything less lovely than the Calendar offers? Inserting complimentary copies with matrimonial proposals would be the last straw (perhaps your daughters will look like this, sorry your future wife doesn’t)!

And what of the unrequited gazes of Zoroastrian women and a neglected male homosexual population? Why have they been deprived of photographs of hunky Zoroastrian men? Must women wait for the annual body-building bonanzas of the Parsi colonies (and the double page coverage that the Jam-e-Jamshed and Parsiana offer), when their counterparts can now benefit from an array of monthly delights on glossy art paper? Perhaps if the subject matter were more equitable, the Calendar would not have been as counterproductive.

Riding on this liberal wave we hope the two female trustees of the BPP will champion our cause and endorse an all-male Calendar for 2012. A toast (white rum + dark rum + pineapple and orange juice + grenadine) to that!