Editorial Viewpoint
Everything you wanted to know…
As a service to our readers in search of greater understanding of the Parsi/Irani mind Parsiana introduces a new column “Aflatun and Alamai Answer.” The duo have very kindly agreed to answer (for a fee) questions from readers. For greater insight Parsiana has also requisitioned the service of the internationally renowned social scientist, geneticist, religious scholar and demographer Rignahej Letap (albeit for a lesser charge). Now retired from active academic life, Letap has been studying Parsi/Irani social norms and practices in addition to researching the flying patterns of another endangered species, the butterflies of the Western Ghats. (Letap tells us they fly horizontally, vertically and diagonally depending on where the flowers are.)
Dear Aflatun and Alamai
I am very much anguished about the introduction of adult franchise in the Bombay Parsi Punchayet (BPP) elections. It’s one thing to have it in the national political scene but Parliament is not a trust. The Punchayet has far more onerous responsibilities because it also preserves our Parsi religion — I forget the name (Editors: Zoroastrianism). Why should any Tahmuras, Dara or Hosi have the right to vote if they are not qualified to do so? Could you suggest some minimum qualifications to register as a voter? An offended Parsi/Irani Zoroastrian
Dear Offended
Aflatun’s answer: I fully share your sentiments. Allowing any Boman, Soli or Rusi is disastrous enough but worse still is any Aban, Pervin or Hufrish. Our Parsi/Irani religion clearly states that women are inferior to men whose sperm carries the seed (boonak pasbani). The Parsis should take a leaf from our Irani brethren. Women have no voting rights nor can they stand for election to the Iranian Zoroastrian Anjuman (IZA) of Bombay. And the IZA does not have adult franchise.
Now that the community has wisely elected an orthodox BPP board there is no reason why they cannot move the courts to ban Parsi/Irani women from voting. Furthermore, in most of the advanced countries of the world like Saudi Arabia and elsewhere women are/were denied the vote and are/were forbidden from driving. A woman can only go outside her house with her husband. If these laws were also applied to Parsi/Irani women we would save on global warming, mangled fenders and shopping expenses. If women violate any of the laws they are immediately either stoned to death or their hand is cut off (or is that for bad cooking?). Why not implement these reforms here also?
Alamai’s answer: I fully share Aflatun’s perspective. Women are quarrelsome creatures (you should meet my daughters-in-law) but that aside there is a deeply religious reason for barring women: menses. What happens if a woman during her menstrual cycle comes to vote and, God forbid, touches another person? Would that vote then be considered invalid?
Besides women there are many men whom I consider unfit as voters, my neighbor amongst others. He favors bunglis being given to conduct funeral rites for those who opt for other means of disposal. Mooaas (bums) like him should not only be denied the vote but they should also be denied entry to our fire temples. The trust deeds of our agiaries, I am told, clearly state only orthodox Parsis/Iranis may enter.
Plus dark skinned Parsis/Iranis should also be denied the vote because there must be mixed non-Parsi/Irani blood in them. The Qissa-i-Sanjan says (if I remember correctly) “a boatful of very fair looking Parsi ladies, some attired in garas and men in pugrees and daglis alighted from a cruiseliner (believing Sanjan to be next to a duty free port) and immediately went about milking an albino bull and cutting sugar cane to sweeten the milk (some say the milk curdled and what the immigrants offered Jadi Rana was actually sweet yogurt which then became the rage and greatly enriched our forefathers. The jealous juddin milk merchants pressured the Maharaja not to grant Ervad Paani Doodhwala, one of our leaders, a patent on the product. The juddins, after adulterating the milk with water, sold the yogurt at a cheaper price, thereby forcing the Parsis/Iranis to take up agriculture and roadside tea stalls.)
Letap’s analysis: While fully supporting the views of my two scholar columnists I would like to recommend a few guidelines to ensure their ideas can be practically enforced.
As for dark skinned Parsis/Iranis, we need a clear reference on who qualifies as being fair. For this purpose I recommend the Pantone Ink Guide used by printers to internationally standardize colors. I would say that those whose complexion falls between Pantone numbers 4655C to 4685C should be allowed to vote. For any person below that number, they can work as volunteers, preferably serving tea, snacks and picking up the garbage. This way everyone is involved and we have a very transparent and fair (no pun intended) system.
Alamai and Aflatun (jointly written): We also believe that people who have studied beyond the Secondary School Certificate level should be disqualified because many of them have reformist ideas. We don’t want thinkers, we want believers.
Letap: Some of my closest orthodox friends are BAs. Several have studied abroad. Perhaps we can draw up a list of the educated reformers (an oxymoron, I’m told) and the learned fundamentalists. What we need is a new kind of educational institute like a Zoroastrian Oriental Orthodox (ZOO) school. Students would get a DJ (Dins-Juddins: an extensive study of the differences between the two) degree. Only DJs should be allowed to vote.
Editors: Readers’ views, suggestions and questions are welcome for this new column. The trio requests you keep your questions short and to the point so there will be enough space for long and rambling replies. They also reserve the right to reproduce any or all material in their forthcoming book Parsipanu for Dummies.
Dear Aflatun and Alamai
I am very much anguished about the introduction of adult franchise in the Bombay Parsi Punchayet (BPP) elections. It’s one thing to have it in the national political scene but Parliament is not a trust. The Punchayet has far more onerous responsibilities because it also preserves our Parsi religion — I forget the name (Editors: Zoroastrianism). Why should any Tahmuras, Dara or Hosi have the right to vote if they are not qualified to do so? Could you suggest some minimum qualifications to register as a voter? An offended Parsi/Irani Zoroastrian
Dear Offended
Aflatun’s answer: I fully share your sentiments. Allowing any Boman, Soli or Rusi is disastrous enough but worse still is any Aban, Pervin or Hufrish. Our Parsi/Irani religion clearly states that women are inferior to men whose sperm carries the seed (boonak pasbani). The Parsis should take a leaf from our Irani brethren. Women have no voting rights nor can they stand for election to the Iranian Zoroastrian Anjuman (IZA) of Bombay. And the IZA does not have adult franchise.
Now that the community has wisely elected an orthodox BPP board there is no reason why they cannot move the courts to ban Parsi/Irani women from voting. Furthermore, in most of the advanced countries of the world like Saudi Arabia and elsewhere women are/were denied the vote and are/were forbidden from driving. A woman can only go outside her house with her husband. If these laws were also applied to Parsi/Irani women we would save on global warming, mangled fenders and shopping expenses. If women violate any of the laws they are immediately either stoned to death or their hand is cut off (or is that for bad cooking?). Why not implement these reforms here also?
Alamai’s answer: I fully share Aflatun’s perspective. Women are quarrelsome creatures (you should meet my daughters-in-law) but that aside there is a deeply religious reason for barring women: menses. What happens if a woman during her menstrual cycle comes to vote and, God forbid, touches another person? Would that vote then be considered invalid?
Besides women there are many men whom I consider unfit as voters, my neighbor amongst others. He favors bunglis being given to conduct funeral rites for those who opt for other means of disposal. Mooaas (bums) like him should not only be denied the vote but they should also be denied entry to our fire temples. The trust deeds of our agiaries, I am told, clearly state only orthodox Parsis/Iranis may enter.
Plus dark skinned Parsis/Iranis should also be denied the vote because there must be mixed non-Parsi/Irani blood in them. The Qissa-i-Sanjan says (if I remember correctly) “a boatful of very fair looking Parsi ladies, some attired in garas and men in pugrees and daglis alighted from a cruiseliner (believing Sanjan to be next to a duty free port) and immediately went about milking an albino bull and cutting sugar cane to sweeten the milk (some say the milk curdled and what the immigrants offered Jadi Rana was actually sweet yogurt which then became the rage and greatly enriched our forefathers. The jealous juddin milk merchants pressured the Maharaja not to grant Ervad Paani Doodhwala, one of our leaders, a patent on the product. The juddins, after adulterating the milk with water, sold the yogurt at a cheaper price, thereby forcing the Parsis/Iranis to take up agriculture and roadside tea stalls.)
Letap’s analysis: While fully supporting the views of my two scholar columnists I would like to recommend a few guidelines to ensure their ideas can be practically enforced.
As for dark skinned Parsis/Iranis, we need a clear reference on who qualifies as being fair. For this purpose I recommend the Pantone Ink Guide used by printers to internationally standardize colors. I would say that those whose complexion falls between Pantone numbers 4655C to 4685C should be allowed to vote. For any person below that number, they can work as volunteers, preferably serving tea, snacks and picking up the garbage. This way everyone is involved and we have a very transparent and fair (no pun intended) system.
Alamai and Aflatun (jointly written): We also believe that people who have studied beyond the Secondary School Certificate level should be disqualified because many of them have reformist ideas. We don’t want thinkers, we want believers.
Letap: Some of my closest orthodox friends are BAs. Several have studied abroad. Perhaps we can draw up a list of the educated reformers (an oxymoron, I’m told) and the learned fundamentalists. What we need is a new kind of educational institute like a Zoroastrian Oriental Orthodox (ZOO) school. Students would get a DJ (Dins-Juddins: an extensive study of the differences between the two) degree. Only DJs should be allowed to vote.
Editors: Readers’ views, suggestions and questions are welcome for this new column. The trio requests you keep your questions short and to the point so there will be enough space for long and rambling replies. They also reserve the right to reproduce any or all material in their forthcoming book Parsipanu for Dummies.
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