“Why single?”

Reading Nina Bhavnagri’s letter regarding male dominance in Parsi society ("Why single?” Readers’ Forum, Parsiana, December 21, 2005) it seemed a usual male bashing syndrome that the Indian TV network show on their serials lately. The most important fact that emerges from this is the wrong upbringing and that cannot be blamed on any gender! As a young parent, I would like to bring to notice some facets that are prevalent in today’s young Zoroastrians.

At one Zoroastrian function at the Coomarswamy Hall in Bombay, a young Zoroastrian lady asked where were the eligible male Zoroastrian MBAs, engineers, lawyers, doctors. If one were to go by this logic then more than half the population of the world would not marry. This also shows that a Zoroastrian lady does not see the importance of entrepreneurship, sports, armed forces, social service, police services and most important she does not have the wisdom to judge a character/potential of a person. Also, by 25-30 years, all Zoroastrian males have to have reach their pinnacle otherwise they are deemed unfit to marry since Zoroastrian ladies do not have the patience and strength to marry a man who climbs the ladder to success overcoming failures and difficulties just as her parents did.

For Zoroastrian girls in Bombay, their father’s house and location is the best and therefore the boy is expected to buy a house in the same location. For this he either has to rob a bank, or throw the neighbors out or make sure that he receives the same charity of a flat that her father/grandfather received a generation back! The girl does not have the wisdom to understand that her father, like most Zoroastrians, has lived in a baug or charity flat, paying subsidized outgoings, the same as paid by their domestic servant living in a slum. The parents of most girls cannot, after working for 30-40 years and after taking all the benefits of near free housing, buy a property they expect their son-in-law to buy at 25!

The boy has to compete with his in-laws in providing all modern amenities in the house, otherwise he is unfit to marry. To stay in a cosmopolitan society is taboo. Any area outside a Parsi colony is inhabitable for the girl according to her parents, and even the center of today’s Bombay is still the outskirts and bau door (very far).

God forbid if the boy is in the armed forces. Shipping is bad since ‘what will she do when he is away?’ A lady from Malcolm Baug rejected a proposal from a boy in Poona, reasoning that her daughter will have to shift to a gaam (village). The lady may still live in 1940! Hypocritically the same lady agreed when the boy mentioned later that he has a flat in Dadar Parsi Colony. But then it was too late. The boy also sought security, declaring he needed a wife not a mistress who may walk out in times of difficulties. Many vouch that this is not a stray incident.

There are many young Zoroastrian homes vacant when the husband has to go outstation for work since ‘it becomes very dangerous for a lady to stay alone’ according to the girl’s parents and thus she will rush to her parents’ place.

There is no chance of a boy getting married if he owns a small shop, retail business, or is a farmer, a mechanic, electrician, constable or an inspector in the police force, railways, etc.

Compare the job reservation policies in India that today’s Parsi boys have to compete with. Compare the influence that goes around to get a good job in Bombay to the influence the older generation of Parsis would use to employ the young generation.

A Zoroastrian boy, especially a priest, is deemed a male chauvinist pig and old-fashioned if he would like his wife to wear the sudreh and kusti or stay with his parents, but it seems easy to adhere to the tough values of other communities after marrying a non-Parsi.

Constant interference in a couple’s life promotes mistrust between spouses leading to a high rate of divorce in our community.

Today’s young generation is also brought up to believe in various babas, devis and other religious beliefs rather than our own Zoroastrianism. It would require great maturity from the young and coming generation of Zoroastrians to shake off the value system left by the earlier generation.

RUSTOM JAMASJI