Readers' Forum
Retarded customs
Since I was a kid, I was taught to be proud that I’m a Parsi. I always had fun telling my friends that our dead are eaten by vultures, boasted about navjotes and dhansak. I had a feeling of being different from the rest. It was always drilled into my head that we Parsis are modern, liberal and broad-minded.
But over the years, when I started using my own intelligence, I realized that we are little more than a bunch of orthodox, biased and hypocritical people.
When I was entering my teens I wondered why my friends, or for that matter any persons following another religion, were not allowed into our agiaries, whereas I could enter their places of worship without any qualms. I was never stopped from entering a church or mandir.
That innocent question has still not been satisfactorily answered though I am now 25 years old. Not that I did not get answers. "This is how it always was, kid,” said my mother. "We are just protecting our holy fire,” explained a priest. Today, when I think of it, I want to go back to those people who claim to be "protecting the holy fire from being desecrated” and ask whether they are really serious. Are people who follow other religions not human beings? Have we Parsis landed on earth directly from heaven? Don’t other people also have two eyes, one nose, one mouth, two hands and two legs? Does blood not flow in their veins? Or is it water? In that case, why do we even touch them? If the holy fire can become impure merely by their shadow falling on it, won’t we become dirty if we touched them?
Let’s go back to the era where these flag-bearers came from… treating people like untouchables. Oh c’mon! I have come across so many Parsis but today I cannot name one who does not have a Ganapati, Sai Baba or Lakshmi figure in their house. Why, when we were not stopped from praying to these deities, are we so biased that we have become borderline fanatics?
Leave aside the other religions, what are we doing to our own? The other day I was in the agiary while a jashan was going on and leafed through a Parsi magazine lying there. I read an article about a Parsi lady who actually had to file a petition in court to enable her to perform the last rites of her parents. This is ridiculous! I mean, how can we allow these so-called guardians of our religion to ruin the relationship a daughter shares with her parents just because she made the choice concerning her own life and married a non-Parsi? Today, daughters are being disowned because they have chosen non-Parsi spouses. Parents throw tantrums, relatives are full of taunts and friends say "Éni dikri parjaat maa panni (Her daughter married a non-Parsi)!” What exactly is the big deal here? Why can’t she make a choice regarding her own life?
I started reading more on this topic and came across an article on "Excellent reasons against mixed marriages” by Homi P. Ranina, a well educated lawyer and a former trustee of the Bombay Parsi Punchayet (BPP). I was amazed at the orthodox thinking of this man. He mainly blames Parsi girls who choose a spouse outside the community. I certainly want to ask him why he thinks a Parsi girl should choose to remain in a religion where girls are considered as mere child-making machines. That’s what we do, right? A non-Parsi mother’s children are happily taken into the religion, but if a Parsi girl marries outside the religion, then she, along with her children, are thrown out of the community. However, if a son marries a non-Parsi, it’s not that big a deal. Then it becomes "his choice, what can we do?” Why this discrimination? They talk about instilling values in children. As far as I have known, values in the child mainly come from the mother. I have seen cases where the child of a non-Parsi mother (who is happily accepted by our warriors of religion) does not give a damn about the religion. At the same time, the child of a Parsi mother married to a non-Parsi, even though she may not be accepted by Parsis, does follow the values given by her Parsi mother.
After knowing and understanding all this, I certainly would not want to belong to this religion. Why should I? Just to be treated as spawn to increase the population of such hypocritical people? I would rather belong to a religion which does not have barriers while praying or believing in God. That’s certainly one Parsi off your guard. And I’m sure there will be many more girls who could relate with me on this.
It’s high time we stopped such retarded customs. If Parsi men can continue to enter agiaries after marrying non-Parsis, I think it’s fair enough to allow our women to do the same.
Even the Stone Age changed with time… but it seems our so-called flag-bearer Parsis are still stuck there.
DELNA BALIWALA
luvdel@gmail.com
But over the years, when I started using my own intelligence, I realized that we are little more than a bunch of orthodox, biased and hypocritical people.
When I was entering my teens I wondered why my friends, or for that matter any persons following another religion, were not allowed into our agiaries, whereas I could enter their places of worship without any qualms. I was never stopped from entering a church or mandir.
That innocent question has still not been satisfactorily answered though I am now 25 years old. Not that I did not get answers. "This is how it always was, kid,” said my mother. "We are just protecting our holy fire,” explained a priest. Today, when I think of it, I want to go back to those people who claim to be "protecting the holy fire from being desecrated” and ask whether they are really serious. Are people who follow other religions not human beings? Have we Parsis landed on earth directly from heaven? Don’t other people also have two eyes, one nose, one mouth, two hands and two legs? Does blood not flow in their veins? Or is it water? In that case, why do we even touch them? If the holy fire can become impure merely by their shadow falling on it, won’t we become dirty if we touched them?
Let’s go back to the era where these flag-bearers came from… treating people like untouchables. Oh c’mon! I have come across so many Parsis but today I cannot name one who does not have a Ganapati, Sai Baba or Lakshmi figure in their house. Why, when we were not stopped from praying to these deities, are we so biased that we have become borderline fanatics?
Leave aside the other religions, what are we doing to our own? The other day I was in the agiary while a jashan was going on and leafed through a Parsi magazine lying there. I read an article about a Parsi lady who actually had to file a petition in court to enable her to perform the last rites of her parents. This is ridiculous! I mean, how can we allow these so-called guardians of our religion to ruin the relationship a daughter shares with her parents just because she made the choice concerning her own life and married a non-Parsi? Today, daughters are being disowned because they have chosen non-Parsi spouses. Parents throw tantrums, relatives are full of taunts and friends say "Éni dikri parjaat maa panni (Her daughter married a non-Parsi)!” What exactly is the big deal here? Why can’t she make a choice regarding her own life?
I started reading more on this topic and came across an article on "Excellent reasons against mixed marriages” by Homi P. Ranina, a well educated lawyer and a former trustee of the Bombay Parsi Punchayet (BPP). I was amazed at the orthodox thinking of this man. He mainly blames Parsi girls who choose a spouse outside the community. I certainly want to ask him why he thinks a Parsi girl should choose to remain in a religion where girls are considered as mere child-making machines. That’s what we do, right? A non-Parsi mother’s children are happily taken into the religion, but if a Parsi girl marries outside the religion, then she, along with her children, are thrown out of the community. However, if a son marries a non-Parsi, it’s not that big a deal. Then it becomes "his choice, what can we do?” Why this discrimination? They talk about instilling values in children. As far as I have known, values in the child mainly come from the mother. I have seen cases where the child of a non-Parsi mother (who is happily accepted by our warriors of religion) does not give a damn about the religion. At the same time, the child of a Parsi mother married to a non-Parsi, even though she may not be accepted by Parsis, does follow the values given by her Parsi mother.
After knowing and understanding all this, I certainly would not want to belong to this religion. Why should I? Just to be treated as spawn to increase the population of such hypocritical people? I would rather belong to a religion which does not have barriers while praying or believing in God. That’s certainly one Parsi off your guard. And I’m sure there will be many more girls who could relate with me on this.
It’s high time we stopped such retarded customs. If Parsi men can continue to enter agiaries after marrying non-Parsis, I think it’s fair enough to allow our women to do the same.
Even the Stone Age changed with time… but it seems our so-called flag-bearer Parsis are still stuck there.
DELNA BALIWALA
luvdel@gmail.com
Homi P. Ranina responds
I sincerely appreciate the young lady’s quest for answers to the many pertinent questions raised in her e-mail. A written response would fill up an entire issue of Parsiana. I would, therefore, be happy to meet her and discuss these issues threadbare. My only request is that when she discusses these with me she should do so with an open mind, just as she would expect me to do. She may contact me at homiranina@gmail.com to fix a mutually convenient time and place for the meeting.
I sincerely appreciate the young lady’s quest for answers to the many pertinent questions raised in her e-mail. A written response would fill up an entire issue of Parsiana. I would, therefore, be happy to meet her and discuss these issues threadbare. My only request is that when she discusses these with me she should do so with an open mind, just as she would expect me to do. She may contact me at homiranina@gmail.com to fix a mutually convenient time and place for the meeting.
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