Absurd restrictions

When I was very young, our household maintained very strict observances. My poor Mom, in her menses, had to sleep on a separate dholki (cot), was not allowed to touch anything, was given food and water like a prisoner and, perhaps, was not even allowed to bathe for four to five days! We, as children, would miss her very much during those days. My sister and I were too young to know why this was done. We were given food by our ayah. Added to this were my father’s idiosyncracies like carrying an omelet for lunch every day when he could have eaten the best of food at the Tata canteen at a much lower cost. In those innocent days, I used to wonder and ask questions. Today, when I think back, I burn with rage. Later, after the birth of my second sister, when things became impossible, my father himself realized the folly of the custom and things became easier for everyone.

When I was a young man I would get very upset when on good occasions like Navroz, Jamshedi Navroz and birthdays my wife could not accompany me to the fire temple. Without her company I would feel very lonely and angry with nature about why this had to happen on those fateful days only.

It is very easy for a man to say that "Tèhma su thayu? Jara thora divas sambhalvanu. Nahi javaiy tau su thayu? (So what if you can’t go? Just bear up and be accommodating for a few days).” Sacrifice on happy occasions is tolerable. But just imagine what happens to a woman who is unable to be with the dead body of her husband during the last hours before it is disposed of! Some women have not been able to attend even one of the four-day ceremonies from paidast to charam of their father, mother, husband, brothers, sisters, sons and daughters. So unfair. Yet, they have borne everything in silence, accepting it as the will of God.

Can men go through even one-tenth of the restrictions that are imposed on women? Just think about it. Men will always find ways and means to bend a rule and circumvent a problem to suit their own convenience. Does this not make your blood boil?

The worst part is that a woman is deprived of her privacy. Why should anyone come to know that she is having her period? Women shout from the rooftops about equal rights. Why are they so meek and accepting in this matter which concerns their dignity and basic privacy?

All these stupid observances have left such scars on my mind that today if any woman, even someone unknown to me, is disallowed or kept away on such flimsy grounds, a bomb explodes in my head. It always turns me off. I suffer when I see others suffer. Life should be enjoyed. Instead, we impose bans on things without even understanding whether they are bad at all.

Don’t we defecate everyday? Don’t we gargle, spit and clean our mouths? Don’t we remove the mucus discharge from our nose? Don’t we eat eggs everyday? Are eggs not the discharge of birds? Then why should we continue to observe such absurd restrictions?

If anyone can really convince me why menstruation is bad or dirty or anti-religious, I am willing to listen. I am not trying to impose my views on anyone, just expressing my own. I want people to think things out for themselves.

RUSTOM A. HAVEWALLA

rahavewalla@mtnl.net.in